The last day of our acquaintance

"this is the last day of our acquaintance. I will meet you later in somebody's office. I'll talk but you won't listen to me. I know what your answer will be"          -Sinead O'Connor

I have decided that it is time for a change, so I am making one. 2014 has not been much of a good year to me. So much grief, loss, heartache, sickness and strife for both myself and my immediate circle of humans. It has been a year of trials and of tribulations, with only small joys to remind us that there may be good days yet to come.

What I have learned is a bit more about myself, namely who I want to be, and conversely, who I do not want to be in the future. I am taking that knowledge to heart and making use of it. What good is a lesson if not applied?

So, today, I am firing myself. This Kristen that is, well, just will not do. 

• I will work to close away the sadness and self loathing because I do not need them anymore.
• I will be more proactive about my health and wellness, dealing with issues that have crept in but been ignored. I am dissatisfied with my weight, so that is one of the things I am going to face no matter how daunting it might be.
• I will keep an eye out for a good partner for my life, but neither judge myself by their presence nor their absence. I am enough for myself.
• I will try to love myself a little bit more and to find ways to come to terms with the things I cannot change about me and to fix the things that I can adjust.
• I will not shirk from difficulty. Hard truths and real improvement are not born of comfort and sweet words. What I do, I do to improve myself and thus I will straighten my back, square my shoulders and lift my chin.
• Each day I will rise to meet the challenges that I may face. I will raise my eyes to meet the people around me. I will acknowledge myself as being at least as good as each of them and worthy of the same respect I would grant another.
• I will accept that I am a good person: that I am loved, that I have good qualities, that I have worth. I will attempt to treat myself as such.

So now, on to the next adventure.

In short: 

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot

     -Sylvia Plath